Words not whining. Use your words to explain.
I’m having trouble hearing you in that voice. Can you try a different voice?
The Opposite Of Addiction is Connection
Connection Before Correction
We all thought we married well, but apparently when it comes to kids, our partners (P2) may be dumber than a doorknob in this area. I know this is offensive and hopefully your partner doesn’t do this in your family.
Remember the bottom line: If your partner (P2) plays with the kiddo, your partner (P2) will connect faster with the kiddo. A lot of kids love the physicality of wrestling and tickling, and being carried or turned upside down.
However, your partner (P2) may also think it’s okay for kids:
- to eat several bowls of sugary cereal everyday.
- to drink unlimited soft drinks several times a day and at any hour of the day or night.
- to have two or more tablespoons of sugar in non-sugar cereal.
- to eat cookies before lunch.
- to have multiple desserts in a day.
- to eat takis or other stomach eating snacks before lunch.
- to get a lollipop after a bowl of sugary cereal because the kid was ‘good.’
- to beg for what they want
- to act cute and smile for what they want.
- to ignore when P1 says no.
- to generally subvert P1 if P1 is saying something no one wants to hear.
(P2) Partners/Dads remember: (Prefaced with–Likely, but not always) Do you spend time all day with and talking to other main caregivers/Moms? Do you read or watch shows about current parenting and behavior and learn from it? Did you identify with your main caregiver or mother when you were a kid? Your unconditional love will win the child and lose a partner (P1). Don’t take 2 to 3 years to understand that it’s possible your partner (P1) knows A LOT MORE about this than you do. Don’t take offense. Open your brain to a new order. DO NOT subvert your partner (P1)and make them the bad person in the eyes of a kid.
How P2 is treating P1 during times of difficulty will prolong the problems. Of course this can play out in any dynamic (Female – Male, Male – Female) or another combination thereof. Cultural differences in child rearing may also play a role. Please don’t be a doorknob. Be aware that YOU may be the BIGGEST problem for your spouse.
This was / is a HUGE trigger for me and it lasted a long time. I was able to stick it out. By educating myself EVEN more deliberately, and taking time off from work eventually some of the negative behavior is now in remission.